Healing with a Horse
Jackie and Genie
Warrior Women Individual Session
I had a session today with Monique Gerber of Leading Edge Equine Academy and one of her horses Genie. Before I arrived I knew that the horse I was going to be working with today would pick me, I was not going to be picking my horse. I was excited as I know these horses have so much wisdom to share. On the drive I was thinking, I wonder what horse will pick me, will it be the lead lady, what I will be taught. Will I be scared, or excited? Will I allow myself to cry in front of someone? I had no idea.
When I drove into the beautiful stable property, I could see a brown horse by the gate in one paddock. I thought very little about it. I hopped out of my van and was ready to roll. I walked into the first paddock and one of the younger horses came over to me, but he was too young. None of the older ones. My horse for the day was not in paddock number 1. I then went to paddock number two. I walked up and 2 beautiful white horses came up to the gate. I walked in the paddock and well…they stayed at the gate with Monique. So off to the third paddock. To be honest I was starting to think that none of the horses were going to choose me. What if that happened? I so wanted to work with one of them, but what if they did not want to work with me. In the third paddock I went. I stood in the middle and once again a baby came up to me. Now I am really starting to feel unloved, and not worthy. I am getting worried no horse wants me. To be honest, I am not a virgin to those types of feelings. It has been a while since they have shown their faces, but I was no stranger to the feelings as they came up. I started to walk towards the gate and then stopped. The baby was walking up to me, when Genie backed her off. Genie would be my teacher for the day.
I put on her halter and walked her into the area. Man, she walked fast, like she was on a mission. She reminded me of walking with my mom. I had to almost skip to catch up. In the circle pen in the arena, I took off her bridle and she started to trot around in a circle. I was a bit scared and nervous, I mean, what if she came after me. I was planning my escape root, over the rails, under the rails…I was ready.
As Monique walked in Genie was still very much connected to her and the other horses. I went in the middle of the ring and stood still, closing my eyes. Genie was not coming near me. Was it possible I was just not lovable? I know how ridiculous that sounds, but that was the thought going through my head. I was asked what was going on in my mind, my thoughts, I shared and bam…in came Genie.
There were many amazing things that happened in the next half hour. Some of which include….
1 – Genie got me walking in a circle, she was right beside me every step of the way. When I would stop, she would nudge me, until I kept going again. Her message was loud and clear, do not stay stuck in the junk, move through it, and release it through movement.
2 – Genie was chowing and talking continuously, letting Monique and I know she was releasing old, unneeded energy for me.
3 – When I started to speak about trust, I received my first hug of the session from Genie, with many more to follow.
4 – What amazed me is that every time I started to think about things, fear, and worry and escape myself, Genie would walk away. Every time I brought my thoughts and energy back to myself she came back. When you come in and do not worry about things, you do not push the things that help you and protect you away.
5 – I was working through issues around protection and what I realized is that she was standing guard for me. At one point, I was sitting down and the stable cat came to sit on my lap, Genie was not ok with it and in her horse way, asked the cat to leave twice. Once she noticed I was ok with the cat, she allowed the cat to come closer to me. I noticed how I felt when she stood with her head over me, protected and safe and when she left, vulnerable and exposed. Through the session it was amazing to recognize that although I may not always feel protected I am and all I have to do is come inwards and the protection is there.
6 – There were multiple times Genie placed her head on my shoulder and across my heart. I would love to tell you what that feels like, but I have no words.
7 – The most interesting part for me is when I lead Genie back out to her paddock. I wanted to cry as I felt we have made such a connection. I let her loose and she started eating, acting as if nothing really happened. I felt sad. Then I thought…wow…how often do we do that in life. Meet someone and instead of just letting it be what it is, we get connected, clingy and then feel they do not like us if they don’t want to hang out all the time. I learnt that it is ok to have an incredible experience, thank it, love it and then let it go.
When it was all said and I done I felt a great sense of calmness. I worked through issues of trust, fear, authenticity and having and using my voice. Genie was one of my best teachers and healers. Monique was close secondJ In all seriousness, her guidance and the way she was able to bring the experience in the ring into my everyday life, my everyday thoughts was incredible.
I am grateful for this experience and the lessons learnt.